Blonde jokes

[tilpehööri]

Two blondes living  in Oklahoma were sitting  on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the  other,
'Which do you think  is farther away... Florida or the  moon?'  The other blonde  turns and says
'Helloooooooooo,  can you see Florida ??


CAR  TROUBLE
A blonde pushes  her BMW into a gas  station. She tells the
Mechanic it  died.  After he works on  it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. 
She says, 'What's the  story?' 
He replies, 'Just  crap in the carburetor'
She asks, 'How often do I have to do  that?'


SPEEDING  TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for  speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her  license. 
She replied in a  huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together.   Just yester  day you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to  you!'


RIVER  WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She  comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite  bank.
'Yoo-hoo!' she  shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'
The second blonde looks up the river  then down the river and shouts back;
'You ARE on the  other side.'


AT  THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the  doctor's office and said that her body hurts wherever she touched  it.
'Impossible!' says  the doctor. 'Show me.' 
The redhead took  her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her  elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she  pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her  scream. 
The doctor said,  'You're not really a redhead, are you?'
'Well, no' she  said, 'I'm actually a blonde.' 
'I thought so,' the  doctor said. 'Your finger is broken.'


KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a  speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that  the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his  flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his  bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!' 
'NO!' the blonde  yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'


BLONDE ON THE  SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde  were talking one day.
The Russian said,  'We were the first in space!' 
The American said, 'We were the first on  the moon!' 
The Blonde said,  'So what? We're going to be the first on the  sun!' 
The Russian and the  American looked at each other and shook their  heads.
'You can't land on the sun, you idiot!  You'll burn up!' said the Russian. 
To which the Blonde  replied, 'We're not stupid, you know, we're going at  night!'


IN A  VACUUM
A blonde was  playing Trivial  Pursuit one night..  It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature.  Her question was, 'If you are in a  vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear  it?'
She thought for a  time and then asked, 'Is the vacuum on or off?'


DEAD BIRD
One day a blonde and a brunette were walking down to the grocery store when the brunette pointed out to the blonde "oh, hey look at that dead bird.."
The blonde looks around around up in the sky for a few minutes and says "hmm, I don't see any dead ones."


MAGIC MIRROR
There was this bar and in the bar there was a magic mirror.
If you told a lie it would suck you in.
One day a brunette walked into this bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.
The next day a redhead walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.
Then the next day a blond walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think...' and it sucked her in.


FINALLY,THE  BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend,  who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names  were.
The blonde  responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named  Timex.
Her friend said,  'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'   
'HELLLOOOOOOO......,'  answered the blonde.
'They're watch dogs!'

[Doraemon]

that's why I like blondes.