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Jokes

Started by Nuuka, Thu 11.01.2007 11:05:29 (UTC+0200)

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Sworn

Q. What did the penis say to the condom?
A. Cover me im going in!

Q. Why do men get their great ideas in bed?
A. Because their plugged into a genius!


Q. How can you tell when a women is having a bad day?
A. She has her tampon behind her ear,and she can`t find her cigarette.

Q. Why dont blind men skydive?
A. Because it scares the shit out of the dog

:lach:
Hell, there are no rules here - we're trying to accomplish something.

Jarre

Carpe Natem

IsoPahaJolppi

Three men, a doctor, a lawyer, and a biker were sitting in a bar talking over a few drinks.

After a sip of his Martini, the doctor said, "You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I bought my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedes. I figure if she doesn't like the diamond ring, then at least she will like the Mercedes, and she will know that I love her."

After finishing his scotch, the lawyer said, "Well, on my last anniversary, I bought my wife a string of pearls and a trip to the Bahamas. I figured if she didn't like the pearls, then at least she would have enjoyed the trip, and she would have known that I loved her."

The biker then took a big swig from his beer, and said, "Yeah, well for my anniversary, I got my old lady a t-shirt and a vibrator. I figured if she didn't like the t-shirt, then she could go fuck herself."
Minä tiedän kaiken, ja jos en jotain tietäisi niin se olisi tarpeetonta triviaa.
Esimerkki väitteeseen: Ford on järjettömän hieno Auto
Tästä kun lähdetään, niin vedetään sellaiset jatkot firman piikkiin ettei omalla kustannuksella tarvii muuta kun oksentaa -Rak.mest. paaluttajaspesialisti Timo Harjakainen

Lexa

Quote from: IsoPahaJolppi on Wed 10.12.2008 22:51:09 (UTC+0200)
The biker then took a big swig from his beer, and said, "Yeah, well for my anniversary, I got my old lady a t-shirt and a vibrator. I figured if she didn't like the t-shirt, then she could go fuck herself."
I like the way he thinks... :serlokkismoke:
"Lexa on koko Apache foorumin nettipoliisien PÄÄLLIKKÖ!" -Arto Lauri

The future unknown, but is there ever time to find out...?

Like what I do? Buy me a beer!

Tule mukaan Apachefoorumin Discord-kanavalle!

Jarre

Carpe Natem


nyyyps

WOMEN'S ENGLISH

Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
We need = I want
I am sorry = You'll be sorry
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure, go ahead = I don't want you to
Do what you want = You will pay for this later
I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
Are you listening to me? = Too late, you're dead
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
Do you love me? = I am going to ask for something expensive
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
How much do you love me? = I did something today that you're really not going to like


MEN'S ENGLISH

I am hungry = I am hungry
I am sleepy = I am sleepy
I am tired = I am tired
Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
I love you = Let's have sex now
I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
What's wrong? = I guess sex is out of the question
May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for other men to have sex with you
You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with you within the next 3 mins.
Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and then I'd like to have sex with you.
I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay
Allekirjoitukset näkyvät jokaisen viestin tai yksityisviestin alla. Voit käyttää BBCodea ja hymiöitä allekirjoituksessasi.

Sworn

 :lach: "I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay"
Hell, there are no rules here - we're trying to accomplish something.

nyyyps

A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office.
Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"
"I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line."
"Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"
Allekirjoitukset näkyvät jokaisen viestin tai yksityisviestin alla. Voit käyttää BBCodea ja hymiöitä allekirjoituksessasi.

Masa

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The
teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"
Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and
I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"
Ms. Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what
the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he
failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave
She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take
the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9."
Principal: " What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36."
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd
grade."
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."
The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
Harry, after a moment: "Legs."
Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!
Harry replied: "Pockets."
Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps in to?"
Harry: "Pants."
Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and
contains thin, whitish liquid?"
Harry: "Coconut."
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry
replied, "Bubble gum."
Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog
does on three legs?"
Harry: "Shake hands."
The principal was trembling.
Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat
and excitement?"
Harry: "Firetruck."
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the
fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong......  ::hihsmoke
Kaikki muu on paskaa, paitsi kusi !


Tosi huono karaokelaulaja

Lexa

"Lexa on koko Apache foorumin nettipoliisien PÄÄLLIKKÖ!" -Arto Lauri

The future unknown, but is there ever time to find out...?

Like what I do? Buy me a beer!

Tule mukaan Apachefoorumin Discord-kanavalle!

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