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The Unix Bible, For nerds only!

Started by Lexa, Thu 27.07.2006 08:34:39 (UTC+0300)

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Lexa

1:1 In the beginning Unix created the Kernel and the C.

1:2 And the Kernel was without form and (void); and obscurity was on the face of the C. And the spirit of Unix moved upon the face of the C.

1:3 And Unix said, Let there be Code: and there was Code.

1:4 And Unix saw the Code, that it was tight: and Unix divided the unstructured from the GOTO-less.

1:5 And Unix called the Code compact, and the unstructured he called spaghetti. And the Program and the Module were the first day.

1:6 And Unix said, Let there be a ++ in the midst of the tightness, and let it divide the Variables from the Variables.

1:7 And Unix made the Function, and divided the Variables which were inside the Function from the Variables which were outside the Function: and it was so.

1:8 And Unix called the Function Recursive. And the Program and the Module were the second day.

1:9 And Unix said, Let the Variables in the Functions be gathered together unto one place, and let the Data Segment appear: and it was so.

1:10 And Unix called the Data Segment Structure; and the gathering together of Variables he called the Heap: and Unix saw that it was good.

1:11 And Unix said, Let the Structure bring forth Nulls, the Data to terminate, and the Data yielding Pointer after his kind, whose Pointer is in itself, upon the Structure: and it was so.

1:12 And the Structure brought forth Nulls, and Pointers each after his kind: and Unix saw that it was good.

1:13 And the Program and the Module were the third day.

1:14 And the Nulls terminated the Data, so that each and every Function would therefore loop: and Unix saw that it was good.

1:15 And Unix let them be for fat EXE files the Recursion of the Function to give coding upon the C: and it was so.

1:16 And Unix made two great Functions: the GetCh to rule the In, and the PrintF to rule the Out: he made the many TO Functions also.

1:17 And the Program and the Module were the fourth day.

1:18 And Unix said, Let the Coding bring forth abundantly the Nested If creature that hath life, and the ability that it has to confuse and obfuscate, for a GOTO It has not.

1:19 And Unix created great Whale Programs, and every Function that loopeth looking for the terminating Null, and every unclean workaround that inhabiteth the Programs: and Unix saw that it was good.

1:20 And Unix blessed them, saying, Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the Functions of the C, and let Code multiply in the Programs and fill the Hard Disk.

1:21 And the Program and the Module were the fifth day.

1:22 And Unix said, Let the Function bring forth the Recursive creature after his kind, Pointer and Nested If, and let him loop the Null after his kind: and it was so.

1:23 And Unix made the Stream I/O after his kind, and every loop that that creepeth upon the face of the Hard Disk. And Unix said, Let the File I/O be as slow as Interpreted Basic.

1:24 And Unix said, Let us make Codes in our image, after our Kernel: and let them have Pointers over the Variables of the Heap, and over the Functions, and over the Null-finding loops, and over all the File I/O, and over every creeping Program that creepeth upon the Hard Disk.

1:25 So Unix created C in his own image, in the image of Unix created he him; Small and Huge Model created he them.

1:26 And Unix blessed them, and Unix said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the Hard Disk, and subdue it: and have dominion over the Functions of the C, and over the Nulls of the Data, and over every looping thing that runneth upon the CPU.

1:27 And Unix said, Behold, I have given you every Value bearing Function, which is upon the Recursion of the Nested If, and every Directory Tree, in which is the Pointer to a File yielding Data; to you it shall be for Terminating Nulls.

1:28 And to every slow beast of the Hard Disk, and to every unreadable fowl of logic, and to every needless complexity that creepeth upon the Function wherein there is Null, I have given every Heap for the Data, and it was so.

1:29 And Unix saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very terse. And the Program and the Module were the sixth day.

2:1 Thus the Functions and the Heap were finished, and all the host of them, such that understanding came not.

2:2 And on the seventh day Unix ended his work which he had coded and he rested on the seventh day from all his Kernel which he had coded.

2:3 And Unix blessed the seventh day, and sanctified it: because in it he had rested from all his Coding which Unix had created and made.
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