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Started by Nuuka, Thu 11.01.2007 11:05:29 (UTC+0200)

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Lexa

"Lexa on koko Apache foorumin nettipoliisien PÄÄLLIKKÖ!" -Arto Lauri

The future unknown, but is there ever time to find out...?

Like what I do? Buy me a beer!

Tule mukaan Apachefoorumin Discord-kanavalle!

Lexa

Quote from: LexA on Sun 15.03.2009 23:04:43 (UTC+0200)
There was a Chilean, an Argentine and a Peruvian who went to a forest to hunt, but they got caught by a few cannibals.
The cannibals told them that if they wanted to live, they had to find 10 fruits of the same type.

First the Peruvian came with 10 apples and the cannibals told him that he had to stuff them in the ass without making any noise.
When he was in apple number 3, he started to cry in pain.

Then came the Chilean with 10 cherries and when he was in the 9th cherry he began to laugh.

The Peruvian asked him: How you could be so stupid as to stop the sacrifice on the 9th cherry, and why are you laughing?

And the Chilean responds: I just remembered the Argentine who was picking pineapples. :lach:
Better now. :jees:
"Lexa on koko Apache foorumin nettipoliisien PÄÄLLIKKÖ!" -Arto Lauri

The future unknown, but is there ever time to find out...?

Like what I do? Buy me a beer!

Tule mukaan Apachefoorumin Discord-kanavalle!

nyyyps

:nono:
I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less.

She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view.. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me." I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed  straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car.
Allekirjoitukset näkyvät jokaisen viestin tai yksityisviestin alla. Voit käyttää BBCodea ja hymiöitä allekirjoituksessasi.

Masa

A trucker hauling computers and accessories is driving down the highway late one night when he sees a truck stop on the side of the road. So he decides to pull over. On approaching the door he sees a sign that says: NO NERDS.

He shrugs it off and enters. He's greeted by the end of a shotgun barrel in his face. "Are you a nerd?" the bartender asks. "No, I'm a truck driver," he replies. He's allowed to come in, so he orders a cup of coffee, sits at the bar and drinks it.

While he drinks his coffee, a man walks in wearing his pants up to his chest, a plaid shirt, pocket protector and thick-framed glass. The bartender pulls out his shotgun and blows him away. "What the hell did you do that for!?" asks the trucker. "Well," the bartender answers, "It's nerd season."

"Nerd season?" asks the trucker, confused. "Yeah. See, the nerd population in this town is getting out of hand, so we've opened up nerd season." So, with that, the trucker finishes his coffee and goes back on the road.

A few miles down the highway the car in front of him suddenly swerves and wrecks. To avoid becoming part the disaster, he swerves to get out of way. The swerve's to hard. His trailer flips and he dumps his load all over the road. He gets out of his truck to see nerds coming from all directions grabbing everything they can. He doesn't know what to do. He's gotta stop this. Remembering what the bartender told him, he goes back to the truck and pulls out his gun and starts picking them off, one by one.

While doing this, a highway patrol officer starts running after him, waving his arms screaming, "STOP! STOP!"

"What?" the trucker asks, confused, "I thought it was nerd season?" "Well yeah," the officer answers, "but you can't bait 'em!"
Kaikki muu on paskaa, paitsi kusi !


Tosi huono karaokelaulaja

Masa

Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'
Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'
Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words
went away.'
Operator: 'Went away?'
Caller: 'They disappeared'
Operator: 'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?'
Caller: 'Nothing.'
Operator: 'Nothing??'
Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?'
Caller: 'How do I tell?'
Operator: 'Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen?'
Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'
Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller: 'There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I
type.'
Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'
Caller: 'What's a monitor?'
Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.
Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?'
Caller: 'I don't know.'
Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where
the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'
Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'
Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's
plugged into the wall.
Caller: 'Yes, it is..'
Operator: 'When you we re behind the monitor, did you notice that
there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just
one? '
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and
find the other cable.'
Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'
Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into
the back of your computer.'
Caller: 'I can't reach.'
Operator: 'OK. Well, can you see if it is?'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean
way over?'
Caller: 'Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's
because it's dark.'
Operator: 'Dark?'
Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is
coming in from the window.'
Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller: 'I can't.'
Operator: 'No? Why not?'
Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator: 'A power .... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it
licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and
packing stuff that your computer came in?'
Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it
up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to
the store you bought it from.'
Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?'
Operator: 'Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!'
Kaikki muu on paskaa, paitsi kusi !


Tosi huono karaokelaulaja


paavo


Masa

When you see a woman...
And want her badly..
Please consider the following...

No matter how beautiful she is.....

No matter how sexy she is...

No matter how seductive she is...

No matter how cute and sweet she is .

No matter how nice her beaver is...

No matter how huge her melons are...

Somewhere on this planet
a man is enjoying a beer
because he is tired of her shit...
Kaikki muu on paskaa, paitsi kusi !


Tosi huono karaokelaulaja

Dimmu Burger

On a bus, two men with really strong accent start
a conversition. The lady next to them eavesdrops.

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two esses acoma
together. I come once-a-more. Two esses, they comma
together again. I come again and pee twice. Then
I come one lasta time."

"You dirty-mouth pigs! In this country we don't
talk about our dirty sex lives in public!"
the lady exclaims.

"Hey, whats sa-matter for you?" says the man "I'm
justa tellin' my frienda how to spell Mississippi"


mistä toi näitä juttuja repii :lach:
Kauniit naishenkilöt, ottakaa yhteyttä yksityisviestitse.

Hyvä suunnistaja ei eksy. Jos ei tiedä missä ollaan, mennään kotiin.

Njof njof :psp:

Ressukka

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.

The lawyer said that getting a divorce could depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

"Have you any grounds?" "Yes, an acre and half and nice little home."

"No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?" "It made of concrete."

"I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?" "No, we have a carport, and not need one."

"I mean, what are your relations like?" "All my relations still in Poland."

"Is there any infidelity in your marriage?" "We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player."

"Does your wife beat you up?" "No, I always up before her."

"Is your wife a nagger?" "No, she white."

"Why do you want this divorce?" "She is going to kill me."

"What makes you think that?" "I got proof."

"What kind of proof?" "She is going to poison me. She bought a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it says: Polish Remover".

Atomisaattori


"Good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgment." - Jim Horning
Älä koskaan väittele idiootin kanssa. Hän vetää sinut omalle tasolleen ja voittaa sinut kokemuksellaan.
"Trying is the first step toward failure." - Homer Simpson

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