Jokes

[=Juku=]

THE JOURNEY OF MAN 

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.

When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.
In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. 
Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide.
So I decided I needed a girl with stability.


When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. 
She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything.
Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. 
She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything.
She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy.
She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. 
So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.

When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. 
She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

I am older and wiser now, and am looking for a girl with big tits.

[=Juku=]

This is such a heart warming story.

Two Terrorists boarded a flight out of London . One took a window seat
and the other sat next to him in the middle seat.

Just before take-off, a Royal Marine sat down in the aisle seat.

After take-off the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and
was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said 'I need to get up
and get a Coke.'

'Don't get up,' said the Marine 'I'm in the aisle seat, 'I'll get it
for you.'
As soon as he left one of the Arabs picked up the Marine's shoe and
spat in it. When the Marine returned with the Coke, the other Arab
said, 'That looks good. I'd really like one too.' Again, the Marine
obligingly went to fetch it.

While he was gone the other Arab picked up the Marine's other shoe and
spat in it. When the Marine returned they all sat back and enjoyed the
flight.
As the plane was landing the Marine slipped his feet into his shoes and
knew immediately what had happened.
He leaned over and asked his Arab neighbours, 'Why does it have to be
this way?'

'How long must this go on?
This fighting between our nations?
This hatred? This animosity?
This spitting in shoes and pissing in Cokes?'

[Donkey]

We choose to fap, not because it's easy, but because it's hard.

[=Juku=]

One day I accidentally overturned my golf cart. Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer
who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out:
"Are you okay, what's your name?"

"It's John and I'm okay thanks," I replied.

"John, forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while and I'll help you get the cart up later."

"That's mighty nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife would like it."

"Oh, come on," Elizabeth insisted. She was very pretty, very sexy and persuasive . . . I was weak.

"Well okay," I finally agreed and added, "but my wife won't like it."

After a few restorative Scotch and waters, I thanked Elizabeth: "I feel a lot better now, but I know
my wife is going to be really upset. So I best go now."

"Don't be silly!" Elizabeth said with a smile: "She won't know anything.......By the way, where is she?"

"Probably still under the cart!" I said.

[Jarre]

While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!" Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. "That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad. Later that evening as Johnny's mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her. Little Johnny looks at his father and says, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?

[Donkey]

[jta]

Both

[=Juku=]

  ^     ^^

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "lf | show you a really good trick will you give me a free drink2"

The bartender nsiders it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a ny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.

After the man finished his drink he asked the bartender, "lf | show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?"

The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along th the rat's music.

While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $1 00,000.00 for the bullfrog.

"Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front.

"No," he insists, "he's not for sale." The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000. o cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.

"Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. "That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!

"Don't worry about it." the man answered. "The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist

[=Juku=]

[Kastori]

2 scientists walked into a bar
1 st scientist: can i have a bottle of H2O?
2 nd scientist: can i have a bottle of H2O too?
The 2nd scientist dies.