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Jokes

Started by Nuuka, Thu 11.01.2007 11:05:29 (UTC+0200)

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=Juku=


Me first (rules of traffic)

Jarre

What is the opposite on assassin?
Dickdickout.
Carpe Natem

=Juku=


Me first (rules of traffic)

Ledskukkuu

Parempi myöhään jos ei silloinkaan.

=Juku=


A farmer named Paddy had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company.
In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Paddy.

'Didn't you say to the police at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?' asked the solicitor.
Paddy responded: 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I'd just loaded my fav'rit cow, Bessie, into da... '

'I didn't ask for any details', the solicitor interrupted. 'Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?'

Paddy said, 'Well, I'd just got Bessie into da trailer and I was drivin' down da road...'

The solicitor interrupted again and said,'Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question. '

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Paddy's answer and said to the solicitor: 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie'.

Paddy thanked the Judge and proceeded.'Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my fav'rit cow, into de trailer and was drivin' her down de road when this huge Eversweet truck and trailer came tundering tru a stop sign and hit me trailer right in da side. I was trown into one ditch and Bessie was trown into da udder. By Jaysus I was hurt, very bad like, and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moanin' and groanin'. I knew she was in terrible pain just by her groans.

Shortly after da accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moanin' and groanin' too, so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.

Den da policeman came across de road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, 'How are you feelin'?'

'Now wot da foock would you sa?

Me first (rules of traffic)


=Juku=

A guy is looking for a place to sit in a crowded university library.
He asked a girl in the library: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?
The girl replied with a loud voice: "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"
All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly embarrassed and moved to another table.
After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy 's table and said with a laugh,
"I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?
The guy then responded with a loud voice: "$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? . . .THAT'S TOO MUCH!"
All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.
The guy whispered in her ear: "I study law, and I know how to screw people."

Me first (rules of traffic)

=Juku=

Hi Bob, This is Alan next door. I have a confession to make. I've been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to pluck up the courage to tell you to your face, but I am at least now telling you in text as I can't live with myself a moment longer without you knowing. The truth is I have been sharing your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, probably more than you. I haven't been getting it at home recently, but that's no excuse, I know. The temptation was just too much. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apologies and forgive me. It won't happen again. Please suggest a fee for usage, and I'll pay you.
Regards, Alan.

THE ACTIONS

Bob, feeling insulted and betrayed, grabbed his gun, and shot his neighbour dead. He returned home where he poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa. He took out his phone where he saw he has a subsequent message from his neighbour:

THE SECOND MESSAGE

Hi Bob, This is Alan next door again. Sorry about the typo on my last text. I expect you figured it out anyway, & that you noticed that darned Autocorrect changed 'Wi-Fi' To 'Wife'. Technology hey?
Regards, Alan.

Me first (rules of traffic)

=Juku=


Me first (rules of traffic)

=Juku=


Me first (rules of traffic)

Kiljutron


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