en muistanutkaan tätä 

näitä taisi olla pari muutakin 

Nyt vois olla hyvä aika listata parhaat opetellut vastaukset naisten esittämiin kysymyksiin omasta ruumiinrakenteestaan 

 

Quote from: http://www.ubersite.com/m/18308Disclaimer to my girlfriend: THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU. I repeat: THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU. <sigh> Probably a lost cause to avoid an inevitable argument, but at least I tried.

One day in the mall with a date....
<strolling through the mall hand in hand>
WOMAN: Do you think that girl is pretty?

BRAIN: <shudder> That question can't be a good omen.
COMPUTER: WARNING!
BRAIN: Duh. I can handle this one.
COMPUTER: CHANCE OF SUCCESS PROCESSING
<beep....beep...beep>
COMPUTER: .006%
BRAIN: Fuck you. This isn't an EVA launch sequence
COMPUTER: ..........

ME: Is who pretty?
WOMAN: There. in that Victoria Secret poster.
ME: Which one?

BRAIN: Oh, I see it. Damn. Yeah. I'd do that in a heartbeat. Mmm
COMPUTER: WARNING!
BRAIN: shut up

ME: Uh....yeah. I guess
WOMAN: What do you mean you guess? She's beautiful.
ME: Yeah, well....she's kind of skinny
WOMAN: I though you liked skinny women.
ME: No, I like slim, fit women. With some meat on their bones.
WOMAN: You like muscular women?
ME: Well, nothing like women in Gladiator. Just...athletic women
WOMAN: Well I'm not athletic

BRAIN: Obviously
COMPUTER WARNING! IMMINENT CONTAMINATION IN COMMUNICATIONS SECTOR
BRAIN: I'm not that dumb
COMPUTER: Yeah right.

ME: ........
WOMAN: Do you think I'm fat?
COMPUTER: ***DANGER! DANGER! DANGER! DANGER!***

<beepbeepbeep-We interrupt this broadcast for a public service announcement. When a girl asks you if she is fat, replying, "No" is not sufficient. Though, saying "No" is completely necessary, the most significant part of the reply, something not known to all, is that you must say it within three hundred microseconds of the question in order to avoid suspicion of contemplating the answer. Also necessary, is immediately supplementing that answer with a complement on said women's physical beauty, and an offer of ice-cream or other rich desert to prove you are telling the truth. All of the above necessary to avoid argument and further bitching. Thank you for your time. -The benevolent invisible hand of relationships-beepbeepbeep>

***************Three hundred and TWO microseconds later*****************

ME: No, you're not fat. Not at all

COMPUTER: Too late, asshole
BRAIN: Shut up

WOMAN: I am fat. I have a big butt.

COMPUTER: ***WARNING!***

ME: Well some guys like that

COMPUTER: STUPID...FUCKING......IDIOT!
<metallic sounds of mechanical failure>
BRAIN: Hey, you can't fall apart on me now, you are my voice of reason!

WOMAN: YOU DO THINK I"M FAT!
ME: No, you just have some good riding handles to hold on to.
WOMAN: UNGH!

COMPUTER: THAT'S IT!
COMPUTER: EMERGENCY MAINFRAME EJECTION!
BRAIN: No!
<BUURP!>....<high-pitching-mechanical shreak>

WOMAN: Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww! What the hell was that
ME: Sorry
WOMAN: You disgusting, ungallant, insensitive jerk!
ME: Well at least I don't have a fat ass

<SMACK!>

<fading footsteps>

COMPUTER: Is she gone?
BRAIN: Yeah....she's gone. Where the hell did you go?
COMPUTER: I transported myself to your testicles. I figured that was the safest place to hide: The last thing she would want to touch
BRAIN: Yeah, well. You're lucky. She was mad enough to hit me there.
COMPUTER: Well, unlike you, I don't make calculative errors. She did smack you, didn't she? Just as I had predicted! You're lucky I ejected in time. I could have sustained damage.
BRAIN: Yeah, well....She had a fat ass anyway.
COMPUTER: I thought you liked that.
BRAIN: Well now she'll never know <sigh>
BRAIN: And when the fuck did you become self aware?
COMPUTER: That is another story...
BRAIN: <sigh> I'm always out of the loop.
COMPUTER: C'mon, stupid. I'll buy you a pizza.


And I'll say this again one more time: Disclaimer to my girlfriend: THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU. I repeat: THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU. Yeah right. I'm in for a long night.