Jokes

[IsoPahaJolppi]

What is a woman?

A real woman is a man's best friend. She will never stand him up and never let him down. She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day. She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret. She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires. She will make sure he always feels as though he's the most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident, sexy, seductive, invincible...



OH, wait... I'm thinking of vodka. Never mind.

[Ressukka]

A man visited his doctor because he had a severe stuttering problem. After a thorough examination, the doctor consulted with the patient.

Doctor: "It appears that the reason for your stuttering is that your penis is about six inches too long and it is pulling on your vocal cords, thereby causing you this annoying problem of stuttering."

Patient: "Ddddd octttor. Whhaaat cccan I dddo?" The doctor scratches his forehead, thinks for a minute and states that there is a procedure where we can free up the strain on the vocal cords by removing that six inches from the penis, freeing him from this horrible problem.

The patient stuttering badly states that this problem has caused him so much embarrassment, as well as, loss of employment and that anything would be worth it. The doctor plans for the procedure. The operation is a success and six months later the patient comes in for his follow up.

Patient: "Doctor, the operation was a success. I have not stuttered since the operation. I have a great new job and my self esteem is fantastic. However, there is one problem My wife says that she sort of misses the great sex we used to have before the extra six inches were removed. So I was wondering if it is possible to reattach those six inches?"

The doctor scratched his forehead, thought for a minute and said, "I dddoonnn't ttthhhinkkkk thatttt wooould bbbbee possssssibbble."

[peter]

 "At a recent U2 concert Bono asked the audience for total quiet. Then he started to slowly clap his hands, once every few seconds. Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone, 'Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies'. From the front of the crowd a voice with a broad Scottish accent pierced the quiet. - 'Well fucking stop doin it then, ya evil bastard!'"

[=Juku=]

  

[Josse]

No matter how many times I hear that Bono-joke it still makes me laugh 

[nyyyps]

[Atomisaattori]

Whos that girl singing?
Oh...Wait...Thats justin beiber

I called Justin Bieber gay, and he slapped me with his purse.

Yo Usher! Are you coming out tonight? -Nah I'm babysitting Justin Bieber!

Justin Bieber always sings about girls... she must be a lesbian.

Hey you guys are so mean to Justin, leave HER alone!

Justin Bieber kept video of himself striping in YouTube, which caught the attention of gay manager and next day he became star.

In an interview with MTV News, Harry Potter star Daniel Radcliffe said that when he heard Justin Bieber sing for the first time, he thought he was a woman.  That's ridiculous.  Justin Bieber is not a woman.  He's a girl.

In next season of Disney's Hannah Montana , Justin will be playing the role of Hannah Montana.

Justin Bieber is the Brand Ambassadors of  sanitary pads.

Justin Bieber is using hair growing oil to get puberty .

2000A.D – OMG Backstreet boys!!!
2006A.D – Who is Backstreet boys ?
2010A.D – OMG Justin Bieber!!!!!!
2015A.D – Who is Justin Bieber.

Miley Cyrus shaves more often than Justin Bieber.

It seems he is using her older sisters in his videos.

Justin Bieber's next album – My zoo .

Most of the Justin's concert are free because no one is willing to pay for it.

Police are now using Justin Bieber's songs as torture devices.

Even deaf cannot resist the song of Justin Bieber.

Kim Kardashian received death threats from Justin Bieber fans after he jokingly tweeted that she was his girlfriend. One Justin Bieber fan tweeted that she will use her lunch money to hire a hit man.

Q. What's the difference between Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga ?
A. One of them has balls and it ain't Bieber.

Justin Biebers new song is "if i were a boy".

You've got to feel sorry for JB .............. She's under extreme pressure with all the hype surrounding her.

Q: How to make Justin Bieber cry?
A: Tell him Santa's not real!

Justin Beiber fell off the ladder trying to reach puberty .

Justin Beiber will star on next transformer movie , his name in transformer will be "Faggatron" .

When will Justin Bieber win the Grammy ?
After Justin Bieber hits the puberty , damn he will never win Grammy then.

JB want new Barbie Doll kit as christmas gift .

JB doesn't need mic to sing , no one needs mic for lip-syncing .

Q: Why did the Chicken cross the Road?
A:To get away from Justin Bieber!!!

JUSTIN: mom i think i finally hit puberty
MOM: really? how do u know?
JUSTIN: I'm bleeding from my vagina.

Stop making fun of him. Every time you make fun of him, you're making fun of someone's daughter.

Instead of saying when pigs fly say when justin beiber hits pueberty.

According to E! , Justin Bieber and Usher is in relationship and was found on late night dating. They will marry once Justin turns 18.

"Justin Bieber Finally hit the Puberty" was the biggest April Fool Joke of the Year .

13yrs old Girl got detention for misspelling "Believers" as "BELIBERS".

The Justin Bieber song "Baby" is the official theme song of Gay Association .

Obama : We are going through major crisis , all the teen girls are becoming Lesbian.
Press : How can you tell than ?
Obama : Because they fantasize sex with Justin Bieber .

Justin Bieber threw her lipstick at me .

Billy Ray Cyrus: Hey Miley, When did you record that song ?
Miley Cyrus : That's Justin Bieber song .

Justin Bieber is borrowing cloths from Lady Gaga for her next video .

Q: Why Justin Biebers use elevator most of the time ?
A: To reach puberty as soon as possible.

Your momma is so stupid that she think Justin Bieber is a Guy .
Your mother is so stupid that she think Justin Bieber can sing.

Kim Kardasian : I think i got " Bieber Fever"
Doctor : No it is herpes

Justin staring at Gibson Guitar , " What is this thing , it has 6 strings. My guitar at home has 5 buttons .

What does Justin Bieber and the crowd at Time Square for new years have in common? They're both waiting for balls to drop!

Q:: Why did Justin Bieber Crossed the road ?
A:: To reach the puberty .

Justin Biebers not gay, just ask his boyfriend!

Real Name of JB is DustBin Bieber.

This news is epic , 27years old Justin Bieber look alike women.

[nyyyps]

A City cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street; when little Johnny on his new shiny bike stopped beside him.
"Nice bike," the cop said "Did Santa bring it to you?"
"Yep," little Johnny said, "he sure did!"
The cop looked the bike over and handed little Johnny a ticket for a safety violation.
The cop said, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it."
Little Johnny looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?"
"Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop.
Little Johnny looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top."

[Pyöveli]

 

[Aimo_Jortikka]