Jos naurat - olet auttamatta nörtti.

[Kumimuna]

Syntax Error!

Stupid user error 

[The Änes]

Sex error

Meinasitko päästä kerneliin käsiksi.

emmie tykkää koirista sillei 

[nyyyps]

Huuda mun iipeetä!
HUUDA MUN IIPEETÄ!!

[paavo]

85.156.144.***!!!   

[nyyyps]

85.156.144.***!!!   

Sain.

[Sworn]

85.156.144.***!!!   

Sain.

[nyyyps]

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who managed to get the most out of his computer. This had been going on for days, and God was tired of hearing all the bickering.

So God said, "Cool it. I`m going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job." So he handed them instruction, and they ran to their keyboards and began typing away.

They moused.

They did spreadsheets.

They wrote reports.

They sent faxes.

They sent out e-mail.

They sent out e-mail with attachments.

They downloaded.

They did some genealogy reports.

They made cards.

They did every known job.

Just a few minutes before the two hours were up, lightening flashed across the sky. The thunder rolled and the rain came down hard. And, of course, the electricity went off.

Satan was upset. He fumed and fussed and ranted and raved. All to no avail. The electricity stayed off. But after a bit, the rains stopped and the electricity came back on.

Satan screamed "I lost it all when the power went off. What am I going to do? What happened to Jesus' work?"

Jesus just sat and smiled.

Again Satan asked about the work that Jesus had done. As Jesus turned his computer back on, the screen glowed, and, when he pushed "print," it was all there.

"How did he do it?" Satan asked.

God smiled and said, "Jesus saves."

[nyyyps]

All of our troubles are over!

Corporate headquarters has defined a lower cost alternative that addresses the Y2K (Year 2000) issue:

The goal is to remove all computers from the desktop by Jan, 1999. Instead, everyone will be provided with an Etch-A-Sketch. There are many sound reasons for doing this:

1. No Y2K problems
2. No technical glitches keeping work from being done.
3. No more wasted time reading and writing emails.

Thank you.

************************

Frequently Asked Questions from the Etch-A-Sketch Help Desk:

Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the screen. What do I do?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: What's the shortcut for Undo?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I create a New Document window?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I set the background and foreground to the same color?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: What is the proper procedure for rebooting my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch document?
A: Don't shake it.

[nyyyps]

An old gem: THE PROGRAMMER'S QUICK GUIDE TO THE LANGUAGES

The proliferation of modern programming languages (all of which seem to have stolen countless features from one another) sometimes makes it difficult to remember what language you're currently using. This handy reference is offered as a public service to help programmers who find themselves in such a dilemma.

=====> TASK: Shoot yourself in the foot.

C: You shoot yourself in the foot.

C++: You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, "That's me, over there."

FORTRAN: You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue with the attempts to shoot yourself anyway because you have no exception-handling capability.

Pascal: The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.

Ada: After correctly packing your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream, and shoot yourself in the foot. When you try, however, you discover you can't because your foot is of the wrong type.

COBOL: Using a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be re-tied.

LISP: You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds...

FORTH: Foot in yourself shoot.

Prolog: You tell your program that you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't permit it to explain it to you.

BASIC: Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On large systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged.

Visual Basic: You'll really only _appear_ to have shot yourself in the foot, but you'll have had so much fun doing it that you won't care.

HyperTalk: Put the first bullet of gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer the result.

Motif: You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the bullet, its trajectory, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory handles of the gun. When you finally get around to pulling the trigger, the gun jams.

APL: You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters.

SNOBOL: If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot.

Unix:
% ls
foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o
% rm * .o
rm:.o no such file or directory
% ls
%

Concurrent Euclid: You shoot yourself in somebody else's foot.

370 JCL: You send your foot down to MIS and include a 400-page document explaining exactly how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried.

Paradox: Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can, too.

Access: You try to point the gun at your foot, but it shoots holes in all your Borland distribution diskettes instead.

Revelation: You're sure you're going to be able to shoot yourself in the foot, just as soon as you figure out what all these nifty little bullet-thingies are for.

Assembler: You try to shoot yourself in the foot, only to discover you must first invent the gun, the bullet, the trigger, and your foot.

Modula2: After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head.

CLARION: You tell your computer to create a program for shooting yourself in the foot w

[Lexa]

An old gem: THE PROGRAMMER'S QUICK GUIDE TO THE LANGUAGES

   The proliferation of modern programming languages which seem to have
   stolen countless features from each other sometimes makes it difficult
   to remember which language you're using.  This guide is offered as a
   public service to help programmers in such dilemmas.

   C:  You shoot yourself in the foot.

   Assembler:  You crash the OS and overwrite the root disk. The system
      administrator arrives and shoots you in the foot.  After a moment of
      contemplation, the administrator shoots himself in the foot and then
      hops around the room rabidly shooting at everyone in sight.

  APL:  You hear a gunshot, and there's a hole in your foot, but you don't
      remember enough linear algebra to understand what the hell happened.

   C++:  You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them
      all in the foot.  Providing emergency medical care is impossible
      since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just
      pointing at others and saying, "that's me, over there."

   Ada:  If you are dumb enough to actually use this language, the United
      States Department of Defense will kidnap you, stand you up in front
      of a firing squad, and tell the soldiers, "Shoot at his feet."

   MODULA-2:  After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything
      in the language, you shoot yourself in the head.

   Pascal:   Same as Modula-2, except the bullets are the wrong type and
      won't pass through the barrel.  The gun explodes.

   sh,csh,etc.:  You can't remember the syntax for anything, so you spend
      five hours reading man pages before giving up.  You then shoot the
      computer and switch to C.

   Smalltalk:   You spend so much time playing with the graphics and
      windowing system that your boss shoots you in the foot, takes away
      your workstation, and makes you develop in COBOL on a character
      terminal.

   Smalltalk:  You send the message shoot to gun, with selectors bullet
      and foot.  A window pops up saying Gunpowder doesNotUnderstand:
      spark.  After several hours fruitlessly spent browsing the
      methods in Trigger, FiringPin and IdealGas, you create ShotFoot,
      a subclass of Foot with a new instance variable bullet hole.

   FORTRAN:  You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run
      out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat.  If you run
      out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-
      processing ability.

   ALGOL:  You shoot yourself in the foot with a musket.  The musket is
      esthetically fascinating, and the wound baffles the adolescent medic
      in the emergency room.

   COBOL:   USEing a COLT45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place
      ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER, and SQUEEZE.  THEN return HANDGUN
      to HOLSTER.  Check whether shoelace needs to be retied.

   BASIC:   Shoot self in foot with water pistol.  On big systems, continue
      until entire lower body is waterlogged.

   PL/I:  You consume all available system resources, including all the
      offline bullets.  The Data Processing & Payroll Department doubles
      its size, triples its budget, acquires four new mainframes, and drops
      the original one on your foot.

   SNOBOL:  You grab your foot with your hand, then rewrite your hand to be
      a bullet.  The act of shooting the original foot then changes your
      hand/bullet into yet another foot (a left foot).

   LISP:  You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
      which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
      which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
      which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds...

   SCHEME:  You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
      which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
      which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
      which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds... ...but none
      of the other appendages are aware of this happening.

   English:  You put your foot in your mouth, then bite it off.

   POP11: Your boss has never heard of it and wants you to use one of C, C++,
      Lisp, or Prolog, so you push his foot onto the stack and shoot it.