Jokes

[=Juku=]

2 scientists walked into a bar
1 st scientist: can i have a bottle of H2O?
2 nd scientist: can i have a bottle of H2O too?
The 2nd scientist dies.

[=Juku=]

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?'
The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?' The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right-butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.
As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'

[jta]

2 scientists walked into a bar
1 st scientist: can i have a bottle of H2O?
2 nd scientist: can i have a bottle of H2O too?
The 2nd scientist dies.

[Lexa]

 

[=Juku=]

[jta]

 

[Donkey]

On these days, everything is made in China.
Except for babys, they're made in VaChina.

[jta]

 

[=Juku=]

 The  owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he  decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He  called her into his office and said,
Y'all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help.
If I wiz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much  would you take off?
The  secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my  earrings."

[=Juku=]

"Hello, You have reached the 'Men's Help Line.'  My name is Bob.  How can I help you?"     

"Hi BOB,  I really need your advice on a serious problem. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. You know, just the usual signs; The phone rings and when I answer, the caller hangs up. Plus, she goes out with 'the girls' a lot. I usually try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home, but I always fall asleep. Anyway, last night about midnight, I woke up and she was not home. 

"So I hid in the garage behind my boat and waited for her.  When she came home, she got out of someone's car, buttoning her blouse, then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment, while crouched behind the boat, that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard motor mounting bracket. 

Is that something I can weld, or do I need to replace the whole bracket?"