Jokes

[Betonishamaani]

So in the Dove advert, the voice over asks, 'What happens when beauty meets strength?'

Er, rape?

[Betonishamaani]

I've painted all of the taps in my bathroom black...Now whenever I walk in and shout, 'police!' They all start running.

[Ressukka]

Two Thai girls asked me if I'd like to go bed with them. They said it would be just like winning the lotto! I agreed, and they were right. We all stripped off and, to my horror, we had six matching balls!

[Betonishamaani]

The head of the Somali Olympic squad has apologised to officials on behalf of their team after realising that shooting and sailing were two separate events.

[Jarre]

 

[Betonishamaani]

I was kissing a bird on my sofa last night.

As she reached down and unzipped my jeans I said, "I'd stand back for this if I was you."

"Ooh, I'm in for a night of pleasure," she smiled. "Big, is it?"

"No," I replied. "I'm about to cum."

[Betonishamaani]

God, it makes me laugh to think about all the lies my parents told me when I was a kid. Like how Santa Claus left presents for me under the tree for being a good boy all year, and how the Easter Bunny hid chocolate eggs around the house for praying hard to Jesus, and how the Sodomy Fairy bought me a bike for not saying anything to my mum...

[Betonishamaani]

I was watching a movie with my 6 year old son, when he asked: "Daddy, does the lady die at the end of the film?"
I replied: "Well, judging by the size of that horse's cock, I would fucking think so!"

[Jarre]

 

[Betonishamaani]

I came across my ex's tits and face earlier.
I really ought to clear the freezer in the basement out more often.