Jokes

[=Juku=]

Never end  end your sentences with a preposition

On his 74th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife.

The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.

After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man, and wondered what he was in for.

The old man handed a potion to him, and with a grip on his shoulder warned, 'This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say '1-2-3.'

When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform as long as you want."

The man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from working?"

"Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,' " he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."

He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!"

Immediately, he was the manliest of men.

His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and then she asked, "What was the 1-2-3 for?"

And that, (boys and) girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.

[Betonishamaani]

Me and my brother pulled a couple of cracking birds last night.

We took them home and had sex in front of the fire.

The girls just watched.

[Betonishamaani]

Arab scientists have invented a time-travel device that can transport an entire country back to the 7th century. They're calling it 'Islam'

[Señorita iCola]

Mayan Guy: Hey wanna beer?
Other Mayan Guy: I'm working on this calendar, but I guess if I don't finish it won't be the end of the world.

[Betonishamaani]

What do you get if you cross a Jew?

Christianity.

[Josse]

All that a man needs is a hug

Spoiler

Around his penis

Spoiler

With a vagina

Spoiler

and a sandwich

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[Josse]

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[=Juku=]

 

[Jarre]

What do you call a Nun in a wheelchair

- Virgin Mobile

[Jarre]

The Dalai Lama visits New York, and gets a hotdog from a vendor on the street. He hands the guy a $10 bill and the man says "Thank you." After a while, The Dalai Lama finally says "I gave you $10. Where is my change?"
"Your Holiness," the vendor says, "change must come from within."