Jokes

[Handuusi]

I have a lttle Satnav, It sits there in my car
A Satnav is a driver's friend, it tells you where you are.
I have a little Satnav, I've had it all my life
It's better than the normal ones, my Satnav is my wife.
It gives me full instructions, especially how to drive
It's sixty miles an hour, it says, You're doing sixty five.
It tells me when to stop and start, and when to use the brake
And tells me that it's never ever, safe to overtake.
It tells me when a light is red, and when it goes to green
It seems to know instinctively, just when to intervene.
It lists the vehicles just in front, and all those to the rear
And taking this into account, it specifies my gear.
I'm sure no other driver, has so helpful a device
For when we leave and lock the car, it still gives its advice.
It fills me up with counselling, each journey's pretty fraught
So why don't I exchange it, and get a quieter sort?
Ah well, you see, it cleans the house, makes sure I'm properly fed
It washes all my shirts and things, and keeps me warm in bed!
Despite all these advantages, and my tendency to scoff,
I only wish that now and then, I could turn the bitch off.

[Kastori]

[Susey]

Höh

[=Juku=]

 

[=Juku=]

During a physical examination, the gynecologist was astounded to learn that his new referral had been married three times and was still a virgin. "Well", his patient volunteered, "my first husband was impotent, my second was a homosexual, and my third husband is a Republic who just lies there. telling me over and over again how good everything is going to be.

[Ressukka]

When I was a child, I remember lying with my eyes closed waiting for Santa to come. Then there was the awkward silence as he got dressed and left.

[=Juku=]

May be - Santa of the church   

[=Juku=]

[Ressukka]

Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such a fantastic shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth closed. 

[=Juku=]

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.
i-am-not-virgin"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack."
The young man makes his purchase and leaves. Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes.
The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person." He leans over to her and says, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."

A man and his wife were going on a cruise for their honeymoon. They packed their bags and got ready to go but forgot two things – condoms and dramamine, since the man gets terrible motion sickness on ships.
So the man and his wife stop at the store on the way to the cruise, and the man goes in to get the necessary supplies. He walked up to the counter with a plenty-pack of condoms and asked for the largest bottle of Dramamine available.
The pharmacist looked at him for a second and then asked, "If it makes you so sick, why do you do it?"

Is your wife for sale?
As US tourists in Lebanon, a man and his wife were sitting outside a souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts.
After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from.
"America," the husband replied.
Looking at her dark hair and olive skin,the Arab responded. "She's not from the States."
"Yes I am." said the wife. He looked at her and asked. "Is he your husband?" "Yes." she replied.
Turning to the husband, he offered, "I'll give you 100 camels for her." The husband looked stunned, and there was a long silence. Finally he replied, "she's not for sale."
After the salesman left, the somewhat indignant wife asked her husband what took him so long to answer, to which the husband replied, "I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home.