Jos naurat - olet auttamatta nörtti.

[D-ude]

Nuo atk tukihommat ja idiootit asiakkaat saa lähinnä pahoinvointikohtauksia aikaiseksi 

[Löylyttäjä]

Tajuan kyllä osan mutta en ymmärrä mitä hauskaa niissä on

[The Änes]

 

[Lexa]

The Ultimate Computer stood at the end of the Ultimate Computer Company's production line. At which point the guided tour eventually arrived. The Ultimate Computer Company's top salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demonstration of the Ultimate Computer's abilities.

"This", he said, "is the Ultimate Computer. It will give an intelligent answer to any question you may care to ask it".

Skeptical about the Ultimate Computer's abilities, one man from the tour named Smartass Sam stepped forward and spoke into the Ultimate Computer's microphone.

"Where is my father?" he asked.

There was a whirring of wheels and flashing of lights (that the manufacturers always use to impress lay people), and then a *ding* as a little card popped out.

On it were printed the words: "Fishing off Florida".

Smartass Sam smirked and then laughed in smug satisfaction.

"Actually,", said Sam, "my father is dead. Your Ultimate Computer is a flop!"

It had been a trick question!!

The salesman, carefully chosen for his ability to think fast on his feet, immediately replied that he was sorry the answer was unsatisfactory, but as computers were precise, perhaps he might care to rephrase his question and try again?

Smartass Sam thought once more, went up to the Ultimate Computer and this time said into the microphone: "Where is my mother's husband?"

Again there was a whirring of wheels and a flashing of lights.

And again there was a *ding* as the little card popped out. Printed on it were the words: "Dead. But your father is still fishing off Florida".

[Lexa]

Vaihdetaas Unixiin sitten vaihtelun vuoksi.

% cat "food in cans"
cat: can't open food in cans

% nice man woman
No manual entry for woman.

% rm God
rm: God nonexistent

% ar t God
ar: God does not exist]

% ar r God
ar: creating God

% "How would you rate George Bush's incompetence?
Unmatched ".

% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
Missing ].

% ^How did the sex change operation go? ^
Modifier failed.

% If I had a ( for every $ the Congress spent, what would I have?
Too many ('s.

% make love
Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.

% sleep with me
bad character

% got a light?
No match.

% man: why did you get a divorce? man::
Too many arguments.

% !:say, what is saccharine?
Bad substitute.

% %blow
%blow: No such job.

$ PATH=pretending!/usr/ucb/which sense
no sense in pretending!

[Lexa]

Log on: Making the woodstove hotter.
Log off: Don't add no more wood.
Monitor: Keepin' an eye on that woodstove.
Download: Gettin' the farwood off the truk.
Mega Hertz: When yer not keerful gettin' that farwood downloaded.
Floppy Disk: Whatcha git from tryin' to carry too much farwood.
RAM: That thar thang whut splits the farwood.
Hard Drive: Gettin' home in the winter tahm.
Prompt: Whut the mail ain't in the winter tahm.
Windows: Whut to shut when its cold outside.
Screen: Whut to shut when its black fly season.
Byte: Whut them dang flys do.
Chip: Munchies for the TV
Micro Chip: Whuts left in the munchies bag
Infrared: Whur the left over munchies go...Fred eats 'em.
Modem: Whatcha do to dem hay fields.
Dot Matrix: Ol' Dan Matrix's wife
Lap Top: Whur the kitty sleeps.
Keyboard: Whur ya hang the dang keys.
Software: Them dang plastic forks and knives.
Mouse: That's whut eats the grain in the barn.
Main Frame: That whut holds up the barn ruf.
Port: Fancy flatlander wine.
Enter: Yankee fer c'mon in y'all.
Random Access Memory: When ya caint remember whut ya paid for yer new rifle when yore wife asks.

[Sworn]

"Dead. But your father is still fishing off Florida".

Tota unix hommaa en vaan tajua 

[Lexa]

"Dead. But your father is still fishing off Florida".

Tota unix hommaa en vaan tajua 

Se on tuo Unix juttu pohjimmiltaan ihan sama kuin tuo Syntax Error - vitsikin.

% Komento
Koneen vastaus

[Sworn]

Pienen vilkaisun jälkeen, olen taas viisaampi, kiitos LeXan uskomattoman älyn 

[Lexa]

Software Revisions   
Once you start playing with software you quickly become aware that each software package has a revision code attached to it. It is obvious that this revision code gives the sequence of changes to the product, but in reality there's substantially more information available through the rev-code than that. This article provides a guide for interpreting the meaning of the revision codes and what they actually signify.

1.0:

Also known as "one point uh-oh", or "barely out of beta". We had to release because the lab guys had reached a point of exhaustion and the marketing guys were in a cold sweat of terror. We're praying that you'll find it more functional than, say, a computer virus and that its operation has some resemblance to that specified in the marketing copy.

1.1:

We fixed all the killer bugs ...

1.2:

Uh, we introduced a few new bugs fixing the killer bugs and so we had to fix them, too.

2.0:

We did the product we really wanted to do to begin with. Mind you, it's really not what the customer needs yet, but we're working on it.

2.1:

Well, not surprisingly, we broke some things in making major changes so we had to fix them. But we did a really good job of testing this time, so we don't think we introduced any new bugs while we were fixing these bugs.

2.2:

Uh, sorry, one slipped through. One lousy typo error and you won't believe how much trouble it caused !

2.3:

Some jerk found a deep-seated bug that's been there since 1.0 and wouldn't stop nagging until we fixed it !!

3.0:

Hey, we finally think we've got it right! Most of the customers are really happy with this.

3.1:

Of course, we did break a few little things.

4.0:

More features. It's doubled in size now, by the way, and you'll need to get more memory and a faster processor...

4.1:

Just one or two bugs this time...  Honest !

5.0:

We really need to go on to a new product, but we have an installed base out there to protect. We're cutting the staffing after this.

6.0:

We had to fix a few things we broke in 5.0. Not very many, but it's been so long since we looked at this thing we might as well call it a major upgrade. Oh, yeah, we added a few flashy cosmetic features so we could justify the major upgrade number.

6.1:

Since I'm leaving the company and I'm the last guy left in the lab who works on the product, I wanted to make sure that all the changes I've made are incorporated before I go. I added some cute demos, too, since I was getting pretty bored back here in my dark little corner (I kept complaining about the lighting but they wouldn't do anything). They're talking about obsolescence planning, but they'll try to keep selling it for as long as there's a buck or two to be made. I'm leaving the bits in as good a shape as I can in case somebody has to tweak them, but it'll be sheer luck if no one loses them.