Jokes

[Josse]

I was going to make a gay joke

butt fuck it

[Josse]

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment... Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess."

"What's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"

"Very good," said the teacher.

Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, "don't count your chickens before they're hatched."

"That was a fine story Sarah. Michael, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes, my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Karen. Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in the Gulf War and her plane was hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the whisky on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. Then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

"Stay the fuck away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking"

[Ressukka]

A couple was making love. All of a sudden the guy stopped, stayed motionless for a couple of seconds, then continued thrusts just to repeat the same action again.
Girl asked:" Whattahell you´re doing?
Male:"It´s a new position, it´s called buffering, i learned it from a video..."

[=Juku=]

[Josse]

^Does she mean her ass, and soul is just a nick





What did a doctor say to the man in he's waiting room after 3 hours of waiting ?

Be patient. 

[NaiNeN]

Öhöhööö 

[Josse]

[Ressukka]

A man is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock on the front door. He opens it to find two sheriff's deputies there. He asks if there is a problem. One of the deputies asks if he is married. He says "Yes, I am". The deputy then asks if he could see a picture of the man's wife. The guy says "Sure" and gets a photo to show them. The deputy says "I'm sorry, sir. But it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck". The guy replies "I know, but she has a great personality and is an excellent cook".

[Betonishamaani]

I'm a strict catholic, so I married my wife while we both were virgins. I asked my dad what to do and I got so confused that I only remembered that it doesn't matter if she bleeds I should just carry on...

So on our wedding night I got so horny I tossed her onto the bed and jumped on her. She started bleeding and I kept headbutting her. I now think sex is overrated. Well, at least definitely not worth 3 years in jail.

[Betonishamaani]

My daughter called me today and said, "Dad, I'm pregnant."

"That's great news" I replied, "Who is the father?"

She said, "It's Jamal, he's a black guy from work."

"How far gone are you?" I asked.

She said, "322 miles so far."

"Keep going" I replied, putting the phone down.