Jokes

[Baz]

While redecorating a church, three nuns become extremely hot and sweaty in their habits, so Mother Superior says, "Let's take our clothes off, and work naked."
The other two nuns disapprove, and ask, "What if someone sees us?"
But the Mother Superior says, "Don't worry, no one will see us, we'll just lock the door."
So the other nuns agree, strip down and return to work.
Suddenly, they hear a knock at the door, and grab their clothes in a panic.
Mother Superior runs to the door and calls through, "Who is it?"
"Blind man," a man's voice comes back.

So she opens the door, and lets in the blind man, who turns to the nuns and says, "Great tits, ladies, now where do you want these blinds?"

[NaiNeN]

 

[=Siru=]

^^  LOL 

[=Juku=]

Two bone weary public servants were working their little hearts and souls out. Their department was just too busy for staff to be able take flex. But there had to be a way...

One of the two public servants suddenly lifted his head. "I know how to get some time off work" the man whispered.

"How?" asked the second worker.

Instead of answering, the man quickly looked around. No sign of his Director. He jumped up on his desk, kicked out a couple of ceiling tiles and hoisted himself up. "Look!" he hissed, then swinging his legs over a metal pipe, hung upside down.

Within seconds, the Director emerged from the Branch Head's office at the far end of the floor. He saw the worker hanging from the ceiling, and asked him what on earth he thought he was doing.

"I'm a light bulb" answered the public servant.

"I think you need some time off," barked the Director. "Get out of here - that's an order - and I don't want to see you back here for at least another two days! You understand me?"

"Yes sir", the public servant answered meekly, then jumped down, logged off his computer and left.

The second worker was hot on his heels.

"Where do you think you're going?" the boss asked.

"Home," he said lightly. "I can't work in the dark."

[Betonishamaani]

I was a local sports bar trivia quiz the other night, I lost by one point. The question was, where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently, it's Africa .

   



One of the other questions was to name two things commonly found in cells.

It appears that Mexicans and African Americans is not the correct answer.

   

I've heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children's-oriented iPod after realizing that iTouch Kids is not a good product name.   

 

A new Muslim clothing shop opened here in town , but I've been banned from it after asking to look at some bomber jackets.

   

You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools.

   

A friend of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin.

I asked, "How can you tell them apart?" He said, "Her brother has a moustache"

 

Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on FaceBook.

I said "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!" Next thing I know 4000 Muslims have added me as a friend!!

 

Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk ...

"I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled."

To which she replied, "No, it's regular porn, you sick bastard."

       

The red cross knocked at my door asking if I could help towards the floods in Pakistan . I said I would love to, but my hose only reaches the bottom of the driveway.

[NaiNeN]

yhviä 

[Jarre]

You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools.

[nyyyps]

[Dimmu Burger]

How can you tell if its your turn to do the washing up?
Look down your trousers and if you've got a dick it isn't your turn


I was sat on a bus with a mate and he told me the following joke:
What do you do if you see an Epileptic having a fit in the bath?
-Throw in your washing.
The guy behind us leaned over and said "I think that's disgusting. My son died in the bath whilst having a fit".
We both went white and apologised. The guy got up to get off and said
"He choked on a sock".


What's black and has 27 tits??
The rubbish bag outside the cancer clinic.



A man is walking along a beach, sad and depressed, when he hears a booming voice from the heavens.
"DIG!" says the voice.
The man looks around, a little confused.
"DIG!" Booms the oice again.
The man thinks what the hell and starts digging at the sand in front of him. Suddenly he hits a wooden box. He picks it up and the voice shouts
"OPEN!"
He opens it to see hundreds of gold coins. He's a little taken aback when the voice shouts again
"CASINO!"
What the hell, thinks the guy, so off he walks. He enters the casino door when he hears the voice shout
"ROULETTE!"
He walks over to the roulette table and awaits more instructions.
"16 BLACK!" the voice says
So the man puts the whole chest on 16 black, the wheel is spun and it lands on 5 red.
"FUCK!" shouts the voice...


What did the cannibal do after dumbing his girlfriend?
Wiped his ass.


How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
The cake jumps out of the girl.

[NaiNeN]

I was sat on a bus