Jokes

[Kastori]

1_What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer? I give a fuck when my computer crashes.

2_My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.

3_What do you call a five year old with no friends? A sandy hook survivor.

4_Jesus Christ fed 2,000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish, but Adolf Hitler made 6 million Jews toast.

5_What's the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.

6_What's got 5 arms, 3 legs and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
7_What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? GLOVES! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.

8_How do Ethiopians celebrate their kids first birthday? By putting flowers on the grave.

9_How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her? She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles.

10_How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.

11_Why do Mexicans never have Sex Ed. and Driver's Ed. on the same day? They have to give the donkey a break at some point.

12_Feminism

13_So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back... Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.

14_Most black 15 year-olds in this country are decent, law abiding citizens. It's their kids who cause all the trouble.

15_How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything.

16_What is a pedophiles favorite part about Halloween? Free delivery.

17_So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster... Now it doesn't work.

18_How do you kill a redneck? Wait 'till he fucks his sister then cut the brakes on his house.

19_What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer? Freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

20_What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing you already done told her twice.

21_How do you fit 4 queers on a barstool? Flip it upside-down.

22_Why do Jews have big noses? Because air is free.

23_What happened when the jew walked into the wall with a hard-on? He broke his nose.

24_How long does it take for a black woman to take a shit? Nine months.

25_How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like an altarboy.

26_What do you call 40 mexicans buried up to their neck in sand? A spicket fence.

27_How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None,they just sit in the dark and bitch.

28_Did you hear about the two car pile up in Mexico? 200 Mexicans died.

29_What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole? A pedophile.

30_What's a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game? Before the First Period.

31_How do you swat 200 flies at one time? Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.

32_What is a redneck virgin? A seven year old that can run faster than her brothers.

33_How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? One, she just holds the bulb to the socket and waits for the world to revolve around her.

34_Girls are like blackjack... I'm trying to go for 21 but I always hit on 14.

35_Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can't do stand up.

36_Did you hear the Score of the Egypt vs Ethiopia soccer game? Egypt 8, Ethiopia didn't.

37_How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? They don't. They arrest the bulb for being broke and beat the room for being black.

38_What's 9 inches long, pink, and makes my girlfriend scream when I put it in her mouth? Her miscarriage.

39_A Jew, a black, and a Muslim are on a frozen lake, not talking to each other, so I thought I would go over there and break the ice.

40_What's difference between dollars and Jews? I'd give a shit if I lost 6 million dollars.

41_How does a black woman know she is pregnant? When she pulls her tampon out the cotton is already picked.

42_Whats the difference between George Zimmerman and Trayvon Martin? Zimmerman knew how to dodge a bullet.

43_One time I fucked this chick so hard, she almost came back to life

44_I don't understand why Obama has to give his speeches behind bullet proof glass. I mean,I know he's black and all, but I doubt he'll shoot anyone.

45_What's the difference between a Jew and harry potter? Harry can escape the chamber.

46_What do you call a woman who thinks she can do anything a man can do? Wrong.

47_Whats the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? A hockey player showers after 3 periods.

48_What's the difference between cancer and Black people? Cancer got Jobs.

49_What do Sarah Palin and Iron Man have in common? They both had a downey jr inside of them.

50_What's a word that white people can call white people, but black people can't call black people? Dad.

[Betonishamaani]

What is favourite part of ice hockey game for pedophiles?
Before first period.

[=Juku=]

Does evil exist?

The university professor challenged his students with this question. Did God create everything that exists? A student bravely replied, "Yes, he did!"

"God created everything? The professor asked.

"Yes sir", the student replied.

The professor answered, "If God created everything, then God created evil since evil exists, and according to the principal that our works define who we are then God is evil". The student became quiet before such an answer. The professor was quite pleased with himself and boasted to the students that he had proven once more that the Christian faith was a myth.

Another student raised his hand and said, "Can I ask you a question professor?"

"Of course", replied the professor.

The student stood up and asked, "Professor, does cold exist?"

"What kind of question is this? Of course it exists. Have you never been cold?" The students snickered at the young man's question.

The young man replied, "In fact sir, cold does not exist. According to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is in reality the absence of heat. Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-460 degrees F) is the total absence of heat; all matter becomes inert and incapable of reaction at that temperature. Cold does not exist. We have created this word to describe how we feel if we have no heat."

The student continued, "Professor, does darkness exist?"

The professor responded, "Of course it does."

The student replied, "Once again you are wrong sir, darkness does not exist either. Darkness is in reality the absence of light. Light we can study, but not darkness. In fact we can use Newton's prism to break white light into many colors and study the various wavelengths of each color. You cannot measure darkness. A simple ray of light can break into a world of darkness and illuminate it. How can you know how dark a certain space is? You measure the amount of light present. Isn't this correct? Darkness is a term used by man to describe what happens when there is no light present."

Finally the young man asked the professor, "Sir, does evil exist?"

Now uncertain, the professor responded, "Of course as I have already said. We see it every day. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil."

To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is not like faith, or love that exist just as does light and heat. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light."

The professor sat down.

The young man's name — Albert Einstein.
Read more at http://www.snopes.com/religion/einstein.asp#9OfHmPht5G7M7OeT.99

[Susey]

Miksi tämä on vitsi

[=Juku=]

Miksi tämä on vitsi

Eihän se olekaann! Se siinä vitsinä   

[Betonishamaani]

I walked up to a girl in the pub, and said, "Did it hurt?"
Unimpressed, she said, "What? When I fell from heaven?"
I replied, "No, when you had your penis removed."

[The Änes]

I farted in front of my jewish girlfriend yesterday and she was really offended. I said, "Oh come on, a little gas never killed anyone

[Betonishamaani]

My mate asked, "If it was between having sex a dog or having sex with a cat, which would you choose?"
I promptly said, "A dog."
He asked, "Why?"
I replied, "Because their dicks are bigger."

[=Juku=]

   

[Kiljutron]